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The Witness in a Marriage

The normal lenses offer embroilment on issues, relentlessly forming conflict without any reprieve. The march of disappointments and delusions about the other are rife. However, if there is enough awareness and willingness, couples will seek therapy.

Each of us lives in a story, some based upon reality and other aspects are based upon the search for the bigger than life story and the archetype. The system of each partner is looking for a release and homeostasis but there is no knowing of how to do this. Each one has an organic and unique way of being and so the release is subjective. Understanding the complexities of what this personal narrative is becomes essential to exploring what we seek both for ourselves and in the partner. This involves knowing the themes and dynamics of our life as well as the purpose of life. Often, this is not seen nor addressed as these forces remain unconscious. Needs are not seen nor acknowledged. Rather, anger and conflict is prevalent and the deeper layers remain submerged. Rigidity around self-structures, resistances and old behaviors can subvert this work. An openness to be and explore is essential to this trajectory.

Storytelling and definitions are often ignored as a modus operandi. Yet it is exactly this that helps in uncovering the knots. Definitions elucidate visions, uncover stories and lead us to deeper layers. Without definitions, the mind can be obscured by the he/she said narrative. And these definitions emerge, as the mind learns to take a step back, much like a spectator, takes a seat to watch the show. A unique map begins to show its way. This is the conscious witness who has a better understanding of the spectacle it is observing. This field of awareness can tap into energetic subtle fields and the intricate nuances that form the individual and the us. We can learn to see each other’s gifts. We can come to explore the larger story we were meant to create together. Light comes in through being the witness and the necessary confusion that causes the issues. The process is simple but not easy. This is where the expertise of a therapist is needed.

A skilled therapist can work in tandem with both partners, allowing them to come into greater awareness of themselves, towards each other and to a higher platform of consciousness where conversations and awareness assist in establishing ongoing dialogues and tap the witness inside. Successful navigation of this process leads to better understanding, spontaneity, experimentation with new roles, balancing all of which impact fulfillment and flow.

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